What Now?

I see people doing things and going places and I wish that was me. I want so much but get started too late. I feel like something of a non-starter, someone who tries their hardest to get somewhere, and yet ultimately fails because someone better beats them to the punch.

I’m due to graduate in December, I have no job and I’ve been searching in vain for gainful employment. I’ve wanted an internship at a newspaper but no one wants me. “You haven’t written enough..” they say. It’s either that statement or I get, “You’re not a very good writer, why did the school newspaper print this,” I read that in an email from a editor (who shall remain nameless)  I asked to council about getting started and what I could do to “get my foot in the door” as my grandmother always advices.

“Get your foot in the door, that’s all you have to do” I’m constantly reminded by my family members. How can I possibly get my foot in the door, when no one wants to give me the time of day?!

Honestly, at MTSU I feel like what I want to do doesn’t really matter. I want to better my writing skills, I want to be able to write with fluidity. More efficiently and with less mistakes. I can only imagine the reason why I don’t get asked to write for the school newspaper, even though I’ve been on staff at Sidelines since last December. Since I’ve been at MTSU I feel like my writing as progressively gotten worse, like a terminal illness that has no hope of a cure. You have cancer and you’re going to die, end of story. I feel like my life is one giant hamster wheel and I keep going round and round.

That’s what I truly want to do. I want to write. I’ve had a passion for writing for a long time, true I’m no great columnist and I don’t write for the New York Times, but even the pros were once rookies, amateurs.

I want to write musical play reviews, I want to write biographies of people I love. I just want to be able to have something in print, that I can honestly say “I wrote that, that’s mine” and beam with undisguised pride and mirth.

I feel that at twenty-four I should have things figured out. I should have all sorts of job offers and my portfolio should be filled to capacity with all sorts of clippings and pieces I could show prospective employers. I don’t.

Life should come with a road map with directions: If you wanna go here, do this..

4 thoughts on “What Now?”

  1. If life came with a road map, the test on Earth would come to an end. Many esoteric sources have revealed that life is something like a series of junctions. Effort is needed and that which people call mistakes are just lesser choices. In other words, the test revolves around our freedom of choice to choose the many branches of junctions. In the end, the final reward is the wealth of experience and wisdom. All the best to you!

  2. If life comes with a road map, i don think we would enjoy life! we would be like programmed robots, just doing what has been written into us! I believe mistakes makes us who we are. To Err is Human! : )

  3. Those sound like marvelous ambitions. Why not do some of this writing you long to do right here on the blog? After all, you will soon need to transition it from it’s original purpose. Think of these next several months of posts as a portfolio of sorts.

    Who do you want to write a biography about, ultimately? Can you pick someone like a disciple or protege or someone modelling themselves after that person and start with them? (It will give you a way to prove you can do interviews and research as well as an angle on your ultimate subject without the risk of sounding like you are parroting a biography already written.) Can you begin with local musical productions and use them as practice finding your voice?

    Artists practice technique by making copies. There is the theory that mimicking dance moves or brushwork or vocal styling will teach you what works in what combinations. You can do that, too: find a reviewer whose writing you admirer. Analyze the construction of the review, then mimic it. What makes for a good opening? How do you say enough to intrigue and what gets left out? How much specialty vocabulary is needed? How many quotes and from whom? After awhile, you’ll find what feels right for you; meanwhile, it serves as a template. If your writing needs practice, why not make the practice something you’ll really enjoy?

    Good luck!

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