Last night I made a firm decision–to stop taking my antidepressants. Sadly, I’ve been on them long enough to notice the two nasty side-effects I cannot stand: too many cravings for food and weight gain. Three years ago, when I was a super-stressed college student, a nurse practitioner advised me to take Celexa, to assist with my anxiety and hopefully calm my nerves. I’m glad to say it worked, but it also made me gain an unheard of amount of weight. Now that I have been taking the meds again, after a horrific attempt at taking Paxil, I have decided to simply stop taking the pills and find another, more healthful, alternative to dealing with my anxiety issues. I am tired of the constant food cravings and more than sick of watching the numbers on both the scale and my waistline go up.
I have no idea where the anxiety came from and that troubles me. I don’t know what the trigger is or was, thus I cannot come to terms with these strange manifestations of anxiety, stress and all the health issues that come with having both.
I actually have an embarrassing story about how my anxiety got the better of me. Three years ago, my boyfriend and I were out house hunting and I didn’t feel at all well. I was incredibly nervous and my stomach was in painful knots. Now I will admit, I was plagued by stress about going to a four year university (I just just graduated from community college) and I guess the nervousness spilled over into my daily life. To make this house hunt worse, my stomach started to cramp and I had the overwhelming need to use the restroom. Now this is where the panic set it in–would I be able to make it to a restroom in time before I had an accident?! Fortunately, I found a lovely and clean bathroom to use at a house we were looking at with a realtor. Since that experience, I travel with a shopping bag with back-up pair of clothes just in case the need should arise. My mother has joking dubbed it my “purse.” I have never had to make use of the extra clothing but to my mind it is “insurance” in case something awful happens.
Now, I have been tested for everything under the sun, I even had a colonoscopy when I was twenty-four — the results returned absolutely nothing. So what is the big deal?!
All I know how is that I have research to do in finding a better way to deal with my stress. Turning to food and eating ones emotions isn’t healthy, nor does it feel good. I want to feel good about myself again. No, I NEED to feel good about myself.
I’m sticking to my guns though, the pills are out.