phugoid motion

It’s great when you’re married and yet life seems to be in a downward spiral. You’re struggling to find a job even though you have countless applications out, and even though you go to interviews you don’t get second or third appointments. Your husband works more than 70 hours a week and is exhausted. You have no time together, no time or money for anything special and even barely enough money to pay for every day essentials. Your husband is trying his best to work, even though he has an illness that may never fully go away, and yet he arrives home mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted.

I spend sleepless nights filling out job applications, cleaning the kitchen, doing laundry hoping, praying, begging for positive things to happen, for there to be light at the end of what has been a very, very long and aphotic tunnel.

I am so tired of people saying “hang in there” or “be positive.” Until you’ve lived the life my husband and I have — when you’re drowning in debt, unsure of how you’re going to pay the bills, put food on the table, or when it seems like your dreams and hopes are continually buried under bills and notices, please do not say a word.

We are doing what we can, but it isn’t enough. I have no idea where I am going wrong on job applications or interviews. I wish I knew where I was going wrong, seriously. I  hate feeling like I am doing nothing to help. I understand my lack of a job, or any real working experience is contributing to this mess, not mention putting Cleve in an early grave.

2 thoughts on “phugoid motion”

  1. Hey, I just came across this and hope that you might find some relief by checking out my blog (www.psychozenmom.wordpress.com). The past few weeks I have been writing about budgeting, specifically for folks struggling the way you’ve described here. I have been through it myself. Budgeting can help, but more importantly, I hope that some of the personal stuff I’ve thrown in there will help you feel there’s someone out there who does understand. A Personal Note About Budgeting RIGHT NOW will give you a really good idea about how I have been through this seemingly endless nightmare. If you ever need to just talk, go to my contacts page and we can exchange emails. I promise you, you’re not alone. And I know you might not want to hear this, but one day will find the truth in this, as never-ending as your situation seems, it can be temporary. It’s hard when you’re in the thick of it to see to the other side, but as they say, “this too shall pass” as “nothing is forever.” Also, a very difficult concept for me to grasp, but extremely helpful when I could remember it, you only have to focus on right now, the task at hand this very moment. It helped me to not focus on the negative thoughts that overwhelmed me. Anywho, you’re in my thoughts and I’m sending good vibes your way! Don’t hesitate to contact me if you just need to vent or need someone to talk to.

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