Back to School

The first week of school is finished, professors have handed out their syllabi, and all the text books have arrived. Taking fifteen hours isn’t tricky, and I am in love with all my classes. This time around I am determined to get involved. When I graduated with my BA in English two years ago, I lamented the fact I wasn’t involved as much as I probably should have or could have been. No doubt being active in organizations, etc etc looks fantastic on a resume or it should, right?! Hindsight is always 20/20 so this time around, I’m righting a wrong and looking forward to it!

Of all my classes I am enamored with, Visual Communications Applications VCOMM 2950 takes the cake. Learning about layouts, designs and using Adobe In Design, Illustrator and Photoshop I could not be more excited. Now I am very rusty on my Photoshop skills. I remember begging my father for Photoshop when I was in high school. I thought that being able to airbrush out all my acne would boost my self-confidence (not that it did, but I enjoyed manipulating my pictures).

Learning the pen tool in an exercise for class
Learning the pen tool in an exercise for class

Learning CS2 was quite an adventure, now ten years and several software updates later, I’m going to be learning my way around the Creative Suite again – YAY!

Another challenge that I face with tackling another Bachelors is trying to figure out what I truly want to do as a career. I feel pulled in so many directions, “Ooh, that sounds interesting” or “Ooo, I would be great at that” which is why I am getting involved in things on campus. This is also a test to see if I am ready to tackle a Masters in media and what type of program I might want to do. But in all honesty, I am so happy to be back in school and so deeply grateful for the support of my family that are 100% behind me furthering my education.

Ebb and Flow

Have you ever read a book and been so taken by a particular quotation that it just sticks with you?! There is a particular passage from Amy Tan’s book The Joy Luck Club that I can never seem to part with

Each person is made of five different elements, she told me.
Too much fire and you had a bad temper. That was like my father, whom my mother always criticized for his cigarette habit and who always shouted back that she should feel guilty that he didn’t let my mother speak her mind. Too little wood and you bent too quickly to listen to other people’s ideas, unable to stand on your own. This was like my Auntie An-mei.  Too much water and you flowed in too many different directions, like myself.

I’ve always loved that part of the book and for some reason I always find myself trying to think of what mixture of the five elements make up me. When ever I really sit down and think about it, I’m a mixture of all of them; however, its the last one that always brought it home to me – water “too much water and you flowed in too many different directions.” That just seems to sum me up. I have all these ideas, all these thoughts but they never seem to really go anywhere. I have a degree in English but I”m not using it and yet here I am, back in school, trying to yet again make something of myself. I’m sure Amy Tan didn’t intend for readers to take her five element motif to heart. I just have never been able to express what I felt like inside, or what made me tick. When I read Joy Luck for a Folklore class in college several years ago, it all seemed to click into place for me. I was made up of too much water, my mind always went in all sorts of different directions. I flowed in and out of things, never completing tasks, never finishing books, hell never really finishing homework – I’m still bad about that.

When you flow in so many directions, with so much going on, it is easy to lose focus on the end goal. I have really tried to remain focused on what I want — to be happy and find success in a field I’m passionate about, media. It has taken me a long time to even make it this far but the journey has been a very rewarding one. I am so thankful I have a great support system that pushes me to go further and reminds me of what my goal is when stress seems to overwhelm me.

This coming week begins mid-terms and fall break is literally next weekend. Wait the semester just started yesterday, right? It really feels like the semester just started a few days ago and yet here we are in October all ready. I’m getting ready to make my class schedule for the spring semester, too. Does time always fly when you’re in college? It’s not like I could forget, I graduated only two years ago. Maybe I have, who knows.

Does the head-scratching and wondering ever end? I know I’m still young and have plenty of time to figure out what I want to do when I “grow up.”  And yet I don’t want to end up being forty something and still wondering “What am I doing with my life?”

Music inspires me

It’s been awhile since I’ve written on my blog. I’m still looking for a new job, continuing to fill out job applications. I haven’t stopped, nor have I given up hope. I have wanted to several times, but to give up would be to admit defeat. One cannot give up. I’ve also applied to go back to school in the spring, for a Bachelor of Science in Mass Communication, with an emphasis in Media Production.

I’m listening to Kate Bush’s 1985 album, Hounds of Love, and the song “The Big Sky” starts playing over my iTunes. I just closed my eyes momentarily and envisioned an ad for British Airways. Music makes me think of television ads and things. I realized then, at that very moment, that my idea to go for a degree in media production is a right choice. I’m no longer jealous of other people. We are all destined to do things. I think it’s silly that I was once, if momentarily, jealous of my contemporaries for their abilities to work in fields that they love. I’ve been down on myself, depressed and angry – but for what?! I should be happy in the fact that I’ve never given up. I’m not a quitter. I try and keep at it until something happens. I defy the rules. When someone tells me I can’t, I do it anyway.

Great things are going to happen!

“Write,” she said.

I have to hand it to my mother, she has always had my back. Regardless of what has happened in my life she has been there, cheering me on or giving me much needed encouragement. “You’re a good writer,” she said to me other day. I replied with my typical self-deprecating response, “but my grammar sucks.” I love the way she responded, “so what, not everyone has great grammar. Everyone makes mistakes” she said this quite earnestly too. “You want to be a writer, so write. Write a book, do album and theatre reviews” she exclaimed.

Write a book?! I’ve been jotting down stuff about my life for years. In fact, my own “memoir” has had a working title for nearly ten years. I remember I had a Xanga account years and years ago, and that is where my first thoughts were published – that account has since been deleted. Funny, Xanga and LiveJournal were so popular back in 2003. Now, the once popular blog sites have given way to things like Tumblr and WordPress.

I remember having a germ of an idea I thought might make a good murder mystery, it had something to do with a garden?! I don’t know, maybe I will get back to it one of these days. How does one even go about writing or even drafting a book?!

I enjoy writing I just don’t do it enough. I always feel like I’m all out of ideas. What do people post on blogs? “Today, I had a salad.” or even more prosaic, “Here’s a picture I took on Instagram” (oops, I’m guilty of that).

Here lately, I’ve been posting about my frustrations on the job market. I want to be successful and make something of myself. I have experience in various fields and a college degree; however, even a degree doesn’t guarantee a job anymore.

I’m also considering going back to school for a degree in Mass Communication, seriously I am.

I want to go into television, to be more exact, I want to produce television shows and specials for PBS. Ever since I saw one my favorite  specials, Some Enchanted Evening: Celebrating Oscar Hammerstein II in 1995, I was hooked. I loved the production values, the cast, the music – everything. Sadly, the great moments from Great Performances, which is now entering its 40th season on PBS  have never been released on DVD or VHS for that matter. I want to change that. I love the arts, and I so long to be part of public television.

Goodness, forgive me the desultory sidetrack into my future plans. Yes, I need to write and so I shall..