The lingering malaise

Where do you find the energy and motivation to work out??

Since February, I’ve been pretty blah. No energy. No drive. No motivation to do anything. It didn’t help that I had been prescribed Celexa for extreme anxiety back in October of last year, and two of the side effects: weight gain and extreme fatigue hit me pretty hard. Since October, I have gained a remarkable 35 pounds back. At my lowest I was 170!

I’m used to walking and getting out. I can usually be seen pounding the pavement with my iPhone earbuds in. I love walking and a typical day for me (during the summer) is spent power walking for 2.5 hours. However for the past few months, I haven’t wanted to exercise or participate in anything.

I recently went to the doctor and voiced my concern. What was wrong with me? Why do I feel like this? Tests came back with: chronic inflammation of the intestines and a sluggish thyroid (“slightly under active” was the term the doctor’s nurse used). My doctor advised a two week dairy and gluten free diet…. That’s expensive though and I don’t have the proper support to do it.. 😦

I’ve decided to stop taking my anxiety meds all together, as they make me moody, rather like I was wearing a horcrux from Harry Potter. I’ve been angry, sad, depressed and all together not like myself.

The only thing left to do is to find my previous level of activity. I have been in a constant struggle with weight since I was a teenager, and being gay, the constant desire to be one of “the guys” has always plagued me. I have a boyfriend who loves me regardless, still I’m unhappy with myself – physically.

What do I do?!