What Now?

I see people doing things and going places and I wish that was me. I want so much but get started too late. I feel like something of a non-starter, someone who tries their hardest to get somewhere, and yet ultimately fails because someone better beats them to the punch.

I’m due to graduate in December, I have no job and I’ve been searching in vain for gainful employment. I’ve wanted an internship at a newspaper but no one wants me. “You haven’t written enough..” they say. It’s either that statement or I get, “You’re not a very good writer, why did the school newspaper print this,” I read that in an email from a editor (who shall remain nameless)  I asked to council about getting started and what I could do to “get my foot in the door” as my grandmother always advices.

“Get your foot in the door, that’s all you have to do” I’m constantly reminded by my family members. How can I possibly get my foot in the door, when no one wants to give me the time of day?!

Honestly, at MTSU I feel like what I want to do doesn’t really matter. I want to better my writing skills, I want to be able to write with fluidity. More efficiently and with less mistakes. I can only imagine the reason why I don’t get asked to write for the school newspaper, even though I’ve been on staff at Sidelines since last December. Since I’ve been at MTSU I feel like my writing as progressively gotten worse, like a terminal illness that has no hope of a cure. You have cancer and you’re going to die, end of story. I feel like my life is one giant hamster wheel and I keep going round and round.

That’s what I truly want to do. I want to write. I’ve had a passion for writing for a long time, true I’m no great columnist and I don’t write for the New York Times, but even the pros were once rookies, amateurs.

I want to write musical play reviews, I want to write biographies of people I love. I just want to be able to have something in print, that I can honestly say “I wrote that, that’s mine” and beam with undisguised pride and mirth.

I feel that at twenty-four I should have things figured out. I should have all sorts of job offers and my portfolio should be filled to capacity with all sorts of clippings and pieces I could show prospective employers. I don’t.

Life should come with a road map with directions: If you wanna go here, do this..