How did I earn my B.A?

I graduated from college in 2012 with a Bachelors degree in English. I am now close to completing a second degree in Mass Communication with an emphasis on New Media Communication. Even though I am loving my classes, I am still plagued by comma problems. I do not know how I earned a B.A. writing so inefficiently as I do.  Is it possible to write but not know how to proofread your own work? I feel like that is where I am now. I’m in a PR writing class and for example, one of my assignments, a feature story on a real life client, was returned with an awful grade and bleeding with red pen. I have tried not to beat myself up over it but it hurts. Not being able to proof effectively or watch out for comma stumbling blocks is truly embarrassing. I can only imagine how grammatically incorrect the posts here are, but it is my blog and I make the rules; however, in the real word grammar errors are not cute. Grammar errors look awful on resumes, cover letters, reports and so on.

So what is the big deal. What is my problem?

Writing

How do you keep up with your blog?! There are so many writers and authors who are consistent with their postings. How do ones avoid boredom and keep regularly posting. Sounds strange but that’s where I am. I keep wondering why I say “I’m going to post more” but never do?! 

Currently I’m still looking for a new job. I have updated my resumes about one billion times on Careerbuilder, Monster, etc etc. I just keep wondering, “what should I be doing with my life?” I’m tired of dead-end work, going about my life as if I am in some sort of trance. 

I’m registered to return to school this fall to obtain a second bachelors degree in Electronic Media Communication. I miss learning. I miss having structure and a purpose to my day. 

Besides blogging more regularly there is something else I need to focus on, being more positive and upbeat about my life. 

Taking out the garbage

I never enjoy talking to people about my problems, I always feel like I’m burdening people when I dish about my issues: stress, emotional and mental problems, etc. Today was different. I didn’t have much hope for my second counseling session, but I was my unease was quickly swept aside by a gentle soul who, thankfully, listened to me. Going back some fifteen years, I realized that the emotional and verbal abuse that I had endured for years was taking a toll on me in the present day. My mind continually remembers and replays the emotional distress caused by a father who sent me mixed messages a child: at once ridiculing me and then telling me he “loves me.” The confusion was absolute. Today my social worker enlightened me, “Chris, get rid of the garbage,” she said. “You’ve been carrying around this garbage of negativity and cynicism that happened so many years ago, let it go,” she implored me. “Get to know yourself, find out what you want to do.”

No longer do I have to please other people. I need to find out what want to do, and do it.

I was nervous about letting my guard down and talking to someone. I find now that it is a most liberating experience.

Coming to terms

Time has gone by and I have not touched my blog in so long. I’m not sure who I should apologize to more, WordPress, the blog, or myself?! I should be more mindful of keeping up the craft of writing. After all, I have a degree in English and a minor in writing, and I have complained so much that I don’t know what I can do with my degree. I should write.

Sadly, writing has not been on my mind very much. I have been incredibly busy with starting a new chapter of my life with my partner, Cleve. He and I have started a new adventure – moving in together. He signed on the dotted line for a condo nearly a month ago, and since then the process of “moving in” has been both exciting and incredibly terrifying, not to mention stressful! A new place, a new neighborhood, and new responsibilities. Now that I’m actually living with him at his new place, I have to take care of some bills. I cannot convey the immense pleasure I had in actually setting up utilities in my own name. Electric, gas, and cable (television and internet) that are mine, it is something of a right of passage, no? Not only does the responsibility make me feel like I’m growing up, it adds luster to my credit which is, as it should be, always good!  We also scoured furniture stores in town, in an attempt to gauge what our taste was, and after searching and searching we found a lovely grouping of furniture, it arrives today!!

In addition to new digs, I have also started a new job working for Verizon as a Customer Service Representative. The job itself has been quite a learning experience. From the training environment onto the production floor, the past month or so has tested me in various ways. My patience, resolve, and understanding have all been put to the absolute limit. Being a CSR is not for everyone and the only way to truly find out if indeed you are cut out is, of course, to be on the floor taking LIVE calls from customers. In my roll with Verizon, I am the be all and end all of technical support. With the varied tools the company has reps using, we are charged with assisting customers with any number of problems regarding the devices on their respective accounts.  That means getting cozy with many operating systems, juggling two computer screens, and a laundry list of programs to: notate a customer’s account, research an issue, and make sure the customer’s issue is resolved in a timely manner. This all this going on with moving in to a new place, buying furniture, and applying for utilities my nerves and stress level have skyrocketed beyond normal levels.

I have had to come to terms with stress and exactly how to manage it. I have now ventured into meditation, yoga, and I am walking again! So the past few weeks have been a big stressor, so what?! I have found new ways of dealing with the stress, and a new resolve to become a happier, healthier person.  I have also continued on my doctor prescribed Gluten Free diet, and I have found the more I shop for groceries myself the more options I have to make healthy meals!

I have also decided to enter counseling, so that I might be able to talk to someone about the things that trigger my stress and anxiety. For someone who doesn’t like to talk about things, I am quite introverted, this is a very BIG deal. My first session with a social worker was very productive and quite helpful. The lady I spoke with even congratulated me on opening up enough to speak with her, small victories.

My counseling session is after Easter and I’m actually excited about it.

 

“Write,” she said.

I have to hand it to my mother, she has always had my back. Regardless of what has happened in my life she has been there, cheering me on or giving me much needed encouragement. “You’re a good writer,” she said to me other day. I replied with my typical self-deprecating response, “but my grammar sucks.” I love the way she responded, “so what, not everyone has great grammar. Everyone makes mistakes” she said this quite earnestly too. “You want to be a writer, so write. Write a book, do album and theatre reviews” she exclaimed.

Write a book?! I’ve been jotting down stuff about my life for years. In fact, my own “memoir” has had a working title for nearly ten years. I remember I had a Xanga account years and years ago, and that is where my first thoughts were published – that account has since been deleted. Funny, Xanga and LiveJournal were so popular back in 2003. Now, the once popular blog sites have given way to things like Tumblr and WordPress.

I remember having a germ of an idea I thought might make a good murder mystery, it had something to do with a garden?! I don’t know, maybe I will get back to it one of these days. How does one even go about writing or even drafting a book?!

I enjoy writing I just don’t do it enough. I always feel like I’m all out of ideas. What do people post on blogs? “Today, I had a salad.” or even more prosaic, “Here’s a picture I took on Instagram” (oops, I’m guilty of that).

Here lately, I’ve been posting about my frustrations on the job market. I want to be successful and make something of myself. I have experience in various fields and a college degree; however, even a degree doesn’t guarantee a job anymore.

I’m also considering going back to school for a degree in Mass Communication, seriously I am.

I want to go into television, to be more exact, I want to produce television shows and specials for PBS. Ever since I saw one my favorite  specials, Some Enchanted Evening: Celebrating Oscar Hammerstein II in 1995, I was hooked. I loved the production values, the cast, the music – everything. Sadly, the great moments from Great Performances, which is now entering its 40th season on PBS  have never been released on DVD or VHS for that matter. I want to change that. I love the arts, and I so long to be part of public television.

Goodness, forgive me the desultory sidetrack into my future plans. Yes, I need to write and so I shall..

Writers Block

I’ve tried to write a new blog post following my interview; however, I cannot seem to come up with an appropriate idea. I don’t know what to write about or how to proceed when I get stuck in the middle of a blogpost. I’ve read that on blogs, content is everything. What does one do when they’re temporarily out of content? 

I have a lot of unfinished drafts.. Hmmmm